Fiery Mamma Samurai

Throughout this year, as I wrote more often some months and later withdrew myself from technology, I’ve been experiencing being pregnant. So many lessons have I learned along the way.

Being a yogini (woman who lives in yoga), I have been working on developing awareness and consciousness for a few years now. And my passion for cooking also helps me understand how things can change shape, flavor and texture. So understanding this transformation I’ve been going through during these nine months has been somewhat understandable and felt in a very conscious way. Every little step of the way involved something new.

I have to admit that it still impresses me how women who are already mothers look so “normal” as their life goes on. I mean, experiencing pregnancy is awesome! How come these women don’t look way more proud, happy and empowered after experiencing this? And I still don’t know how it is to birth – hopefully my next post will be about that.

I have connected with the source of life, because it’s happening within me right now. This source would have never been possible if it wasn’t because of love and of my husband, whose life source planted this life in me. And, just like the great gardener he is, he has been caring for me and my little bundle with the most love and attention. I have been blessed to have this support and to experience the growth of my family in such an organic and natural way.

My yoga has become part of my life in a completely different way. I now can’t understand how I taught so many prenatal yoga classes without knowing how it felt like being pregnant! Unfortunately at this stage of my life I’m quite isolated, my shalas (more commonly known as “studios”)  are thousand miles away and I have no sangha (community) where I live now. I was misguided by the internet that this place we chose to move was very active in yoga – unfortunately it’s not. But I really needed a break and a detox from a lot of negative experiences before getting back to teaching and practicing habitually in a place different from home. So, I have not been able to practice yoga like I used to. And even if I could, this pregnancy really slowed me down, so I don’t think I could have anyway. I trust things happen for a reason and that I’m exactly where I have to be. It has taught me that yoga goes way beyond the mat. My asanas/ postures have become part of me when I sit or when I stretch throughout pregnancy, to soothe the different pains I have experienced in different parts of me as my body opened and prepared the space for my Baby. I now meditate in a different manner, and apply pranayama/ breath work to help me go to sleep or to relax.

It’s as if my rigidity towards my practice slowly became flexible. I allowed myself to just be and let go any preconceived thoughts I once had. I read and digest my yoga texts, letting the words simmer in my inner self. I listen to mantras. I connect with my chakras. For the first time I have finally allowed my inner artist to flourish and create.

Quitting my jobs was the best choice for me & Baby. I took this job of gestating a human being very seriously, and it truly is a full time job. I also learned that not only was I gestating a human being within me, but also I was going through a transformation of my own self. Once life is understood in this perspective I see it through now, so many aspects of life become mundane or secondary.

Life IS what matters. Being well, feeling well, living well. And this involves more HOW we live life than the money we make to maintain certain lifestyle. When a baby comes to this world all that is needed is love and nurture. Since conception and even more after birth. Simple things like a healthy mind, a nourished body (eating whole foods, cooking at home instead of eating out, staying active), staying warm during winter and a clean living space are what is truly necessary. Everything else is comfort.

I have been able to understand how to prioritize what matters from what doesn’t, and everyday I support myself more and overcome insecurities. I connect with the land in our tiny garden and see life grow as the weather improves. I understand there are some natural supplements that aid pregnancy wellbeing, and I have proved with experience how powerful essential oils and natural oils and butters are.

I feel the goddess power in me, I believe and trust myself now. And this is a healing that happened thanks to pregnancy, because I’m experiencing it. I have been allowing every change to just be instead of resisting or fighting it. Soreness here and there have evolved from one place to the other as weeks went by. And as each soreness or discomfort appeared, an emotional issue was coming out in order to be taken care of. And slowly as things shifted, such an emotion or feeling was digested.

My flexibility has allowed me to let go of aiming being close to perfect and keeping my goals so strictly. I have instead smoothed into life in the present moment as a time space. Becoming more an observer of what’s happening and acting less. I don’t regret stepping out from being active in the social media or the work force. I’m doing what feels best: taking care of my Baby and myself. Experiencing, growing and healing. Living in the now more than ever and releasing so much anxiety (which translates to worry about the future). Everything else can wait, and will probably be taken care of at its appropriate time.

My time being pregnant has been a blessing and I’m so grateful for being so blessed to experience it as I have. It’s pretty soon going to be over and everything will change into a whole new life: motherhood. It’s no coincidence that this fiery mamma’s birth timing happens as Kilauea volcano erupts in Hawai’i: it reflects how my inner fire will be birthing new life any time soon. And, as I will probably share in this blog eventually, my spiritual connection with the islands of Hawai’i is huge.

I’m glad to have had the time to write about this and share it out there.

I’m a whole woman awakening.

 

Are achievements more important than anything else? Are we supposed to regret, feel sorry, ashamed and make excuses about not achieving or finishing something?

I DON’T THINK SO!

I’ve been having these glimpses of “shame” about not being able to focus and write any posts for like a month. And every single time I went through a different kind of inner trip. How can I place so much attention and energy into something I’m just NOT able to do – regardless of the why’s.

This is what I reached as a conclusion:

Life unfolds as it does, naturally. Our days go by just the way they were supposed to. By the end of each day the best thing to do is just be grateful about living it and the experiences – regardless if it was being ‘very busy doing whatever’ or ‘just being lazy’.

Each experience brings a new lesson. Trying is always better because it implies an effort to move ahead from inaction. Achieving is something external. Why? Because it can be evident to others besides oneself. I’m not saying that achieving is wrong. But I want to focus on the efforts and what HAS BEEN DONE instead of all that lacks in order to reach the ‘achieving’ goal.

Has anyone felt the sensation of working so hard for a goal, being unstoppable, until it’s finally achieved and it feels sort of empty? Doesn’t it feels as if there was all this landscape of experiences that were missed just for rushing towards achieving? This might be because the focus was on the result, and not in appreciating every small step and living in the present moment.

I mean, no one should be blamed (by oneself or others) for trying and stopping. Because we are meant to go through a unique learning curve that cannot be compared with anyone else’s. If there is blame, then comes that thought ‘I should just give up and not try again, I suck at this, I’m such a quitter’. And it’s not like that AT ALL.

When I say that Rome wasn’t built in one day, I mean it! Does anyone think that all those wondrous edifications were designed at the same time by an ‘achiever’? All of it is a compilation of creations from different people during different CENTURIES! And there were lots of efforts of trying things that were not ever finished, and then someone took over later on and created something new and different out of it.

Bottom line is that attachments to results are like an enemy to the creative mind. And we all have a creative mind – whether we like it or not. Focus on doing and keep trying. Emancipating from the bondages of the outer world and its expected results. Doing it for oneself for the sake of creation!

And, I can’t finish this post without sharing a teaching about this topic related to Yoga. It’s based on a quote of a medieval Sanskrit text called the Amrita Bindu Upanishad it says:
“The mind alone is the cause of bondage and liberation for human beings. Attached to things, it leads to bondage. Emptied of things, it is deemed to lead to liberation”

I relate the bondage not only to material things, but also to states of the mind like fear, anger, jealousy, lust, competitiveness, judgements, insecurities and FOCUSING ON THE FINAL OUTCOME OF OUR ACTIONS. These desires limit our experience of life itself and leave us empty and spiritually ignorant.

BUT, if one starts focusing more on acting unattached to expecting an outcome – and instead allow that internal fire (called agni) to motivate and guide our actions – there is a liberation from that bondage.

This might not make a whole lot of sense at first. But by opening to the union / yoga in life and practicing awareness and compassion, a lot of answers come in different ways. Like this post about trying and NEVER EVER GIVING UP. Because, even if you have stopped for the longest time to do something, IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO START OVER FROM SCRATCH AGAIN. Cheer up, when there is a will there will always be a way.

ALOOOOOOHA!

I once got a fortune cookie that said: “show your true face to those who really matter”. It has always kept me thinking, how many masks can one have to blend in?

I believe it is better to take the masks off. If you come as you are, maybe there will be more rejection as what you’re used to when wearing masks. But you will be wearing the truth, being the true you. I believe this way we can all save a lot of time, a lot of misunderstandings and a lot of disappointments. If you show to others what you really are, there is less chance to later on end a relationship or fighting due to disappointing someone. If others know who you are, it’s their choice to stick around or walk away. No mistery!

Wearing our truth, speaking our truth and being our true selves.

In a yogic path, during the years of practice and growth all these layers shed. The true essence starts emerging and connecting with the soul. Interests might change when the things that matter are discerned from the things that don’t. Satisfying someone else’s needs becomes irrelevant if it doesn’t feel well. Some relationships end, because the bond that kept them together became weak. But the connection with the supreme, with the soul and with the spirit grows stronger.

And suddenly, we start to understand the prayer: “From the unreal guide me to the real. From darkness guide me to the light. From death guide me to eternal life.”

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed and we suffer. So much we may feel we lack when we pay attention to the outside world. Yet the truth is that we have already everything we need: inside us!

Just because it feels “odd” or the mind wanders around is not a proper excuse to say no to meditation.

What if meditation was advertised on YouTube like medicine, a product or a website? Would people then practice it?

I’m not going to quote today what has been researched, written or experienced about the benefits of meditation. But when I say that it is a good thing, I’m not just saying it because I think so. I know so. I have read, learned and practiced it.

Trusting the power of meditation is the best thing anyone can do for the benefit of their life. The mind, the soul, the spirit. It heals! And it does require practice and patience. Just like learning anything else.

Meditation is not about how one feels while meditating, but instead of all the benefits of meditating by itself. Habitually practicing it.

It’s the opportunity to disengage from the outer world and really connect to the inner self.

It’s a gift!

And it’s a practice that can be done until very old ages, and started at very early ages. It has no  limits!

I am grateful for life. I am grateful for being so much loved. I am grateful for being so blessed.

My husband said to me today: we have to appreciate every second we are alive. There’s so much going on in the world, in this country, everywhere. It just makes me realize how lucky we are to be here right now. We must be grateful.

So my message today is about contentment and gratitude.

Aloha

For those of us in the northern hemisphere, March 21 marks the spring equinox and the official beginning of spring.

At last, the cold, wet and dark days are in the past. But without them, things wouldn’t be as beautiful as they now are.

Every season has a reason.

Also our lives, our thoughts and relationships have seasons. So why stress so much about it?

Letting things be, allowing nature and time to be.

Just like breathing, we must allow the flow in and out. Or else we may stagnate the energy.

There are plenty of things that I can write about doing during spring. There’s cleaning. There’s detoxifying. There’s vision boards. There’s -yet more- resolutions about going outdoors, or becoming more active, or getting physically ready for the summer. And the list can go on and on…

But what about just flowing with our current life as it is? Every year has a spring. Can we all stop wanting to do something different or new and instead focus on loving what we are?

Can we, just for one spring, allow ourselves to be and live consciously happy? Just by embracing who we are!

Letting our life and creativity flow. Trusting. Living. Loving.

Allowing our true self to bloom naturally, just like the flowers in today’s picture. From a bare tree, suddenly, all the flowers bloom. Just like that.

We are part of nature. Let it bloom!

I was reading today an article about how a positive or negative mind can affect us and those around us.

Choosing to stay positive can be developed. The first step is identifying a negative thought, then consciously replacing it by a positive one.

The more positive we choose to be, the more grateful and appreciative about life.

Repeating ourselves affirmation is also key to stay positive.

Here’s a neat list to read every night before going to bed. Very valuable affirmations!

Patience pays, wait! Let the hand of God work for you. The One who has created you, let Him create all the environments, circumstances, and facilities and faculties.

Yogi Bhajan.- listen to it: https://youtu.be/cjNBzaNxCwE

I love this prayer because it reinforces confidence in oneself. Trust in the creator and in the development of our lives. Don’t we feel sometimes “unworthy” or frustrated because life isn’t going “the way we think it’s supposed to go”.

Truth is that we are perfect creations, unique and individual. And that we MUST love who we are, the life we have and most importantly: our soul!

I wanted to start this year writing daily, yet I have not been able to do so. Should I stop trying? No. Should I give me a hard time for not doing it? Absolutely not!

I stick to my prayer and repeat to myself: patience pays, wait! And move on living my life.

There’s a lot going on in my life and my body. I’m consciously gestating life within me, living for my baby and staying away from any harmful thought or circumstance. Doing it the best I can. Listening to my body, meditating the best I can. Breathing! Doing gentle yoga when I feel right. Enjoying the present moment: my pregnancy! Preparing the nest and loving every second.

I’m grateful. I feel happiness.

And I trust.

This time I chose to try something new and I’m learning more about how to use this blogging platform. Which is why there’s an embedded link in my post. Let’s see how it goes.

Reminder to self: befriend your soul and be you!

It might be probably easy for someone who is the way others are. But when someone is different, the oppression over being someone else is big.

I mean, when everyone you’re close to thinks, acts, behaves and makes things differently. Absolutely different! The “peer pressure” becomes a true oppression. Because when the herd does things only their way, that means that if you do them “differently” you must be “crazy”.

And so begins the terrible transformation of neglecting your true self and becoming someone who acts more like the herd and is considered “more normal”. Or even worse, he/she is finally accepted.

This is wrong!

We have been told to be “more normal” and act more according with society behavior. And that’s the worst damage we can do to ourselves. Why? Because inside we reject our true nature, we end up hating who we are, we hurt the most precious and delicate part of our lives: ourselves.

Even worse, we become liars. We cheat on everyone. We are dishonest. And in the long run we disappoint “these others” and end up hurting them. Why? Because eventually this oppression will be unbearable and one way or the other we’ll stop being that “fake self”.

We are who we are and that is that. We must accept there are way many shades and unique personalities in this world. Being someone else in order to be accepted will only hurt ourselves and everyone else.

We must understand the difference between being yourself (no matter how “weird” others conceive it to be) and being crazy. I mean, there are a lot of mental diseases and disorders out there that are serious. That is absolutely different from being your TRUE self.

I understand how hard it is. Being myself has been a very difficult journey. And it still is. I disappointed a lot of people, because even though I’m not a professional actress, I love acting and I’m good at it. So I spent half of my life pretending to be someone others accepted. But it haunted me, my true self was so confined. I felt so empty. And it has not been easy. My true self was so fragile and insecure. I’m still insecure. But my daily practices, even small, my meditations and my development of mindfulness are always a great help. And I feel whole now. I have attracted people who I can trust and be my true self without filters in my life, and they are my support. And I finally start understanding what being happy really means.

But there are always obstacles down the road. I’m becoming a mom, the day I’ll hold my little loved one in my arms is closer and closer. I know what I, my true self, wants to do and the decisions to make concerning how I raise this little bundle of love. I must also stand by my little one like a lion, and show him/her to be its true self. Being strong and defending when all these others will come around and try to shape this innocent individual into being someone else.

But most of my family and old “friends” still pressure somehow in doing things their way. Inferiorizing my ways of living and doing things. Trying to impose their points of views over mine. And it’s tough, because I didn’t build a wall of privacy and set a barrier in the appropriate time years ago when I became an adult. So now, it’s hard to do so. But it’s achievable and it requires a LOT of security and confidence.

Truth is that once you learn to listen to your heart and trust yourself, it becomes easier to be less affected by others rejections and offensive criticism.

Maybe this little part of my story can relate to something similar those of you who read and have had difficulty being your true selves.

Because my message today is about reinforcing to be myself, and empowering others to be themselves. No matter how others will take it. Just loving with all your heart who you are and treating this true self like a fragile little baby. Building confidence. Standing for yourself. Speaking or expressing out yourself.

This is the best gift you can give to your soul. And feel compassionate and be more understanding with those who cannot be themselves because they became so used and attached to their masks. They are afraid of your empowering because if they lose their mask they will feel so insecure, they don’t know what it is to become stronger and embracing who they are. So love them too.

But today, we must not let anyone dull our sparkle. Our true sparkle.