“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” -Rumi-
Life and its funny ways… This morning, after almost three weeks without journaling, I woke up and wrote what I considered to be a really interesting piece. The destiny of that was not meant to be shared, as it mysteriously was deleted by the app I was using to keep my backups before I posted them (evernote). Yes, I was once again victim of relying only on technology to keep my things in order. What else can I do? Why did’t I post it right away? Obviously, I was on the run in my crazy, busy and disorganized life.
This morning, I was still, positive, introspective. Now, I’m angry and frustrated. Why? Because what I wrote this morning was right about what is going on trough my mind right now. I made an analysis on my time away from journaling and blogging. The past weeks have been busy and interesting. A lot of things going on and coming out. I realized that it is easy to start something, however keeping up with it is the challenge. Throughout this “break” I didn’t want to write and share my negative days; then on my positive and breakthrough days I was living the present moment, seizing the day and couldn’t be bothered to spend time writing. There was a lot of thinking involved through this time. Finally, when I have a still mind and an interesting analysis comes out from my mind, it disappears. And I end up writing just like I was supposed to before all my journaling procrastination started (frustrated and a bit angry). These are the interesting and sarcastically funny things of life: when you have to learn a lesson, you can run away from it or evade it; but at the end it eventually finds you and you’ll have to face it and deal with it. Unfortunately, the more we evade it the hardest it will be when the time to face it comes.
Now, back to my yoga journal. I had been discovering a lot of interesting things about ashtanga yoga. Through this practice, I started learning more about myself. Unfortunately, I have not been energetic enough to wake up for my morning sadhanas. I was only able to practice Kundalini yoga last Sunday. Regarding Bikram yoga, I only practiced very few classes, but as I have been teaching a lot of it I have still learned some interesting things about myself and about yoga.
The main lesson comes down to believing in yourself. Yoga helps to release emotions, things that have been kept inside for a long time. The process when they come out may not be very pretty. The mind doesn’t like it for sure, so it starts blaming any external factor at reach. Sometimes it’s just easier to give up on yoga and go back to old habits. My weakness can be reflected physically, as I do struggle a lot with arms strength, balance, hips’ tightness and flexibility. I realized this by practicing ashtanga, a discipline I’m new to. I sort of ignored these weaknesses because I committed to practice and master the 26 postures practiced in Bikram yoga. Now, that I practice something that is challenging to me, I become more compassionate with my students. However, the challenge was beyond that. I had to overcome a negative mind that kept saying that I was not meant for this and wanted me to give up. But no, I didn’t give up. I realized that everything in life that is worth it requires effort, discipline and constancy. By having this negativity, I understood that things need to come out in order to be released. Finally, this time I got this, and approached my thoughts less aggressively and just accepted that they were there. Eventually, the mindset starts to shift. Looking more at the bright side and focusing less on the dark one.
This, along with a beautiful breakthrough I understood in the Kundalini class, made me finally realize that one must organize the thoughts, dreams and what one wants and start working towards it. The potential is within us, and unfortunately because we always think that we are not enough we do not allow ourselves to believe that we deserve what we want.
Well, in my opinion this is not true. If one starts believing in oneself, setting goals, projecting what one wants, things might be different.
The path will not be the easiest, and a lot of sacrifices and changes may need to happen. However it may be worth it.
The lesson comes down to keep up with what one starts, sticking to it through the good times and the maybe more difficult ones. Believing that it is possible and one has what it takes to make it. Also, the perspective towards it. The journey will be the same, but it is up to each one to decide how to approach it. Either be uptight, serious and “angry”, or to take it more nicely and try to have fun and enjoy the ride.
I decide to be like the Rumi quote of the beginning of this post: I choose to first focus on changing myself. Also, I decide to enjoy the process and be more tolerant with myself. I decide to have fun, enjoy the ride and try to take it easy even when it seems impossible to do so.